Conscious Coaching

Brett Bartholomew

Introduction

• athletes are people and in order to get them moving physically we must first get people to move psychologically and emotionally

• we are all apprentices in a craft in which no one ever becomes a master

• don’t coach at the athlete, coach with the athlete

• trust + communication skills = positive excellence

• successful interventions begin with successful interactions

Chapter 1: Maps and Meaning

• 4 elements: buy in (trust), relationship, social, time

• buy in: it’s the trust that we must build — you can’t get buy in, you build buy in. You build the feeling over time

• first must find interest in others

• relationship: 2 individuals working together to achieve a common goal and a level of understanding

• success and and effectiveness where success relates to the skill and and effectiveness is the personal satisfaction and development of rewarding bond

• social intelligence: ability to navigate, negotiate, and influence social relationships and environments

• the ability to avoid getting hung up on minor or irrelevant points

• it’s not about the smartest person in the room, it’s about who can read the room the best and contributing something important and meaningful by the information gathered

• all mammals want attention but humans are the only ones that want acknowledgment

• observing, relating and communicating is the key

• in communication we have content or relation, content is the technical stuff, relation is the way that we deliver that info

• don’t just teach the lesson; tell the story. How we communicate

• time: patience was a conquering virtue, helps us avoid the poor decision. Must be patient and build the buy in

• be consistent in the practice, the message, and actions

• patient is not waiting, it’s how we behave while we are waiting

• letting go is not the same as giving up

• know your audience is only helpful if you are confident that you have the necessary tools to interact with them

Chapter 2: Know Thyshelf, to Know the Athletes

• it’s not really about the professional paths, but it’s the details of our personal journeys outside the weight room that provides the origins and identities

• shouldn’t be ashamed of past struggles — learn to live your battle scars

• overcoming adversity means that you gotten to know yourself on another level

  — Setting the table: How struggle begets strategy

• reflect on specific times in your life that changed things. Ex, friends doing drugs and how to find an outlet

• how to treat a patient vs treating the person — transactional vs transformational leadership

• adapt to the individual needs not fitting them in a ridge system

• the lack of social and emotional intelligence can spread like a virus

• must rise up, use the experiences in the past as tools to better define the person you are
  — Identity and strategy: improving your self awareness

• stages of internal identification— reflection: questioning who you are. Inspection: examining who you are. Progression: owning who you are

• reflection is important to think critically about moments that transformed us, what drives you

• inspection is taking the insights from reflection and examining them more closely

• it helps us connect with who we want to become

• progression is about moving closer to who we want to become, taking that action

• imposter phenomenon: internal feeling of fakery, don’t deserve the success they achieved

• need to accurately define our desires , drives, and identity

• we have limited time on earth, leaving this life without discovering what you were great at and sharing it with the world

  — Crafting communication

• upside of narcissism: leaders like theses are more willing to confidently and courageously carry out orders, more likely to be able to successfully and strategically adapt to a given situation

• downside of narcissism: self serving bias, lack of concern as how their decisions affect anyone else

• upside of emotional stability: calm, steady, and consistent, better judgement

• downside of emotional stability: want to show emotions and celebrate with the athletes and can relate. Not scared of showing their true emotion and personality

• get someone’s attention, helping them achieve their results, and gaining their trust

Chapter 3: Seek to Understand

• people first, athletes second

• emotions, logic, and ingrained behaviours = drive in athlete

• 4 drives: 1. Drive to learn 2. Drive to bond 3. Drive to acquire 4. Drive to defend

• difference between drive and motivation is motivation is temporary, drive is deeper, more lasting

• what is the driving factor

• all conflict we experience within the world, is conflict within our own selves

• 2 common types of conflict: task and personal

  — task: disagreement about a task or opinion

  — personal: interpersonal disagreement between two or more individuals

• task conflict is what creates growth. Progressions.

• personal conflict is toxic that stubbornness comes into play where people rather have short term gain than long term

• proactive conflict management: discussion of expectations and consequences

• reactive conflict: designed to ease conflict after it has already occurred. Conversation on openness, awareness, and support

• we have 7s to make a first impression = primacy effect

  — Archetypes: The Technician

• more of the perfectionistic type, social circle small and often practice longer on own

• can fall risk to becoming a champion of training not a champion of competition

• people want somebody that cares, it’s not about how much you know it’s about how much you care
  — Archetypes: The Royal

• people should recognize their survival talents, strive in the heat of competition

• make it personable to these athletes, bring out their quality

• if they shy away, bring in competition by praising others

• coaches job is not prepare the path for the athlete but to prepare the athlete for the path

  — Archetypes: The Soldier

• risk to protect peace and freedom — in it for the love of the process

• don’t need to hammer home hard work and exertion, need to connect with these athletes
  — Archetypes: The Specialist

• only cares about playing their sport

• can then become singular focused

• understand what other person cares about mos

• Three questions:
  1. What is your identity (who are you?)? It is not a title, it’s who we are in the inside
  2. What are your values (what is important to you)?
  3. What are your goals (what do you want to accomplish)? PIE goals: purposeful, impactful, and enjoyable
  — Archetypes: The Politician

• finds ways to blend in when it suits them

• only chooses work when it benefits them and sacrifice development to avoid displeasure

• demand the truth, tell the truth, live the truth

• if no truth, no trust. No trust, no relationship. No relationship, no value to what you doing
  — Archetypes: The Novice

• has the greatest opportunity for growth as not experienced

• picture when you first started a skill or something new and asked the questions how you felt

• connect with them personally first
  — Archetypes: The Leader

• has the qualities that creates a high performance culture but sometimes needs motivation

• 5 levels: position, permission, production, people development and pinnacle

• need to connect to gain permission

• set new standards, Challenge each athlete to become the best version of him or herself that they can be
  — Archetypes: The Self Sabotages

• more psychologically and need to help them face their anxiety

• need to get to know them on a deeper level

• where are you, when are you, what are you

• right here, right now, and in the moment — need positive self talk, thought stoppage, and visualization
  — Archetypes: The Mouthpiece

• can struggle with performance as too busy talking

• must step outside ourselves sometimes to have an influence on them

• be yourself and be loud
  — Archetypes: The Wolverine

• needs an emotional outlet, trust and understanding needed

• discipline is giving people meaningful work to do and punishment is breaking them meaninglessly
  — Archetypes: The Free Spirit

• our pride pushes us to be the best in reality if often keeps us from doing so

• ego orientation = feel competent if they demonstrate superiority or others

• task orientation = feel competent when they improve their skills, learn something new, master their craft

• the privilege of a lifetime Is being who you are

• craves positive energy, creativity, and innovation
  — Archetypes: The Manipulator

• will put on this show and only have interest for themselves

• people are addicted to sharing things about themselves

• to manipulate means to control or influence a person or situation unfairly, or unscrupulously

• need to have open lines of communication with staff
  — Archetypes: The Underdog

• we like the underdog as it’s the story as they are the ones that take action to improve their performance

• we identify with them, blue collar underdogs must train and recover more than their counterparts and we must keep them on track

• the sleeping giant needs to wake up and see that for growth to occur needs challenging

• practice is where we can learn and make mistakes, growth through uncomfortable

• why are we doing what we are doing? And I’d it working?

• inspire a passion for the process
  — Archetypes: The Crusader

• confident, similar to leader, has intention

• helping others is most effective when you empower them

• need to step back sometimes
  — Archetypes: The Skeptic

• inclined to question everything, this is an opportunity to educate

• naturals: have genetics that can put them in a great position physically but not yet developed fully. But we cater to the athlete and connect on how they want to train

• followers: the one that questions methods based on other they have experienced before, must be flexible with our personality

• genuine care for your athletes will go a long way, be flexible with the skeptic
  — Archetypes: The Hypochondriac

• abnormally aware of their somatic state

• they need to be put in an uncomfortable situation and get feedback and education

• acknowledge, aim, alter — treat people how they want to be treated!

Chapter 4: Constructing Connections: Tools, Tenets and Strategies

• 13 coaching mistakes to avoid
  1. Focusing on your agenda only: athletes are not there to work for you, they are working with you
  2. Always wanting to be an expert: excellence is self evident and so is bs
  3. Wanting to be their friend: be the leader, guide, mentor not a casual buddy
  4. Force feeding: don’t need to train the same nor everyone wants to train same
  5. Swimming in your own social media bias: must appreciate all cultures and levels of education, you values and their values
  6. Letting emotions and moods dictate the session: sometimes need to hit reset and sometimes push through. Athletes need to Learn how to pull more out when they don’t think they can
  7. Secluding yourself from other coaches: open to influence
  8. Failing to reflect on craft: self reflection, have other coaches give feedback, raise the standard
  9. Being too clean cut: what we do and how we do it, what is most practical abs what has been shown To be possible
  10. Being a certification junkie: professional hierarchy does not depend on courses or clinics attended
  11. Expecting too much too soon: takes time
  12. Not asking your athletes opinion:
  13. Taking things too personally: learn and move on

• look from athlete perspective, everything the same from place to place, communication is different, how and what you communicate

• research, relate and reframe

• frame it to the athletes in a way that is personal and purposeful it becomes powerful

• empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing

• we want compose not control as coaches

• central persuasion: facts, stats, and arguments

• peripheral persuasion: seducing subconscious with music, scents, attractive

Chapter 5: Applying Conscious Coaching to Our Crafts and Lives

• KPIs: able to mange our egos, willingness to mentor, ways to provide for our families

• commitment is not convenient

• mentorship is more important than awards, trophies and merits if you you don’t tell and share the lessons that led you there

• focus on living the best lives we can while we can