The Power of Moments
Chip Heath & Dan Heath
Chapter 1: Defining Moments
Chris Barbic and Donald Kamentz were sitting in a pub having pizza and beers watching the signing days of football commits to their respected college
Barbic was a teacher and started his own school ‘YES prep’ and thought of an idea similar to signing day where the seniors will announce which post secondary they will attend at a ceremony
he introduced it the next year and it was amazing to see how young students can believe that they will attend post secondary
it grew bigger and bigger each each and the celebration was very memorable for the students —these moments didn’t just happen, both Barbic and Kamentz had a plan — in this book it will show the elements of creating meaningful moments
for example: let’s say you take your family to Disney world, now give a rating ever hour of the trip average 6.5 but overall rating maybe a 9. When recalling an experience we tend to focus on particular moments
when people assess an experience, they tend to forget or ignore its length = duration neglect
they experience best or worst moment = peak and the ending of the experience = peak-end rule
transition periods of your life, beginning and endings
the surprise of great service experiences is that they mostly forgettable and occasionally remarkable
how we are defining “a defining moment”— a short experience that is both memorable and meaningful — so how can we create more of these moments
1. Elevation: rise above the everyday, boost sensory pleasures, element of surprise
2. Insight: rewire our understanding of ourselves or the world — how the moment influenced our lives for decades
3. Pride: capture us at our best, moments of achievement and courage. How a planned series of milestone moments that build on each other
4. Connection: social, we share defining moments with othersdefining moments possess at least 1 of the 4 elements above but they need not have all 4
these moments you are safeguarding, your treasure chest — Now what if you could give that same feeling to your kids, students, colleagues, customers
moments matters! What an opportunity we miss when we leave them to chance
Chapter 2: Thinking In Moments
remembering the first day of current or previous job, probably don’t really remember much
but this is a great opportunity to make a welcoming for the employee — think in moments, spot the occasions that is worthy of investment
many of us we think of goals, but moments are what we remember and cherish — achievement is embedded in a moment
we do this with holidays, birthdays etc — usually see in transitions, milestones, and pits — transitions: ex. Birthday getting older child to adult, married
so with the example above with the first day, why not have a first day celebration as it is a transition in intellect, social and environment
create defining moments that draws a dividing line between old you and new you
milestones: usually we connect with birthdays where 18, 21, 30, 40, 50, 60, 100 are the main ones
similar to transitions we have these milestones moments such as anniversary trips, year in business, birthdays
now with apps such as Fitbit they are using milestones to create moments such 4,000 flight climbed
pits: opposite of peaks, moments of hardship or pain or anxiety — pits need to be filled
ex. When patient gets news that they have cancer, doctors and nurses show compassion but that only goes so far. To fill the pit, have the specialists tackle the plan of care and schedule appointment
pits can turn into peaks: service recovery where there was a mistake and business was able to handle it smoothly
the experience is more important, moment of agony transforming into a moment of elevation
transitions should be marked, milestones commemorated, and pits filled
Moments of Elevation
*Introduction to Moments of Elevation
so far: what are defining moments? Why would you want to create them? And when you should be ready to think in moments? But how do we create defining moments?
through elevation, insight, pride, connection
elevation is moments that rise above the everyday — engaged, joyful, amazed, motivated, they are peaks
Chapter 3: Build Peaks
an example: high school English class learning about lord of the flies and in history class learning about world war 2 etc
both teachers decide to create a peak higher than prom for students, the trial of human nature
where students are responsible for creating a full courtroom case on whether the author of lord of the flies was guilty of misrepresenting human nature and must have witnesses from history
year after year it grew and became a known peak, similar to sports where parents would come each it was the same
usually in school we see a flat line of experiences but the trial adds a large peak that makes the flat line sacrifice worthwhile
in business, many are able to fill the pits in their services but don’t really take the next step
striving for a complaint free service rather than an extraordinary one?
reliability, dependability and competence meet customers expectations
to exceed expectations, you need behavioural and interpersonal parts of service — element or pleasant surprise
Ex. Rate a service from 1-7, would you rather improve or elevate the positives of 4-6 or invest in eliminating the negatives of 1-3 bringing those scores into the middle
seems reasonable to eliminate worst experiences but there’s just much more people in the 4-6 zone
elevating the positive rather than eliminating the negatives — so much more gain in this area
peaks are what matters, they don’t emerge naturally they must be built
to elevate a moment: boost sensory appeal, raise the stakes, break the script
boosting sensory appeal = “turning up the volume” — things look, feel, taste, sound better. It should look different such as a wedding
our instinct to capture a moment is “I want to remember this” so that’s the need to pull their camera out = moment of elevation
raising the stakes to elevate the moment, more pressure
a reason why it may be difficult is because it’s usually no one’s job is to create peaks
but once you’ve done it, you’re going to consider every ounce of effort worth it
Chapter 4: Break the Script
the script is the expectations of a stereotypical experience — defying peoples expectations of how an experience will unfold, not just surprise, there’s strategy
there’s a lot of scripts we created in our minds and you’ll understand exactly what to expect but familiarity and memorability are often at odds — gotta break the script
but how do you break the script consistently enough that it matters — but not so consistently that customers adapt to it
a solution is some randomness — spontaneous
in business it’s important to reduce negative variance and increase positive variance
for more positive variance — is to break the script a bit and give freedom to employees
not just employees, example is ‘Saturday surprise’ every Saturday you surprise someone with and event or something = moments
difference between understanding something and feeling something
example: most PowerPoints pitch and meetings aren’t creating emotions, why not do something active and immersive — feel then think about what they learned — breaking the script is a strategy
why we remember what we do, “reminiscence bump”
the most important events that are likely to take place in infants life’s time: 1. Having children 2. Marriage 3. Begin school 4. College 5. Fall in love 6. Others death 7. Retirement 8. Leave home 9. Parents death 10. First job
we see that from age 15-30 is where a lot of these fall within
a reason why we remember our youth a bit more is that it’s our time for first or novelty
surprise stretches time, an experiment done where volunteers leaped off 150 foot platform free falling into a net. Asked to estimate how long the fall took, estimates were and average 36% higher — fear and focus expanded time
times seems to accelerate as we get older — more routine and less novel
variety is the spice of life — variety is not the entree of life, recognize your scripts and play with them, disrupt them but not all the time
“we feel most comfortable when things are certain, but we feel most alive when they’re not”
Moments of Insight
*Introduction to Moments of Insight
sometimes a defining moment can be a awful moment — ‘I need to change things to make sure that doesn’t happen again
moments of insight deliver realization and transformation — can be small but meaningful
can be positive — the eureka moment
Chapter 5: Trip Over the Truth
sometimes people don’t realize what is going on in their lives until they actually trip over the truth and have a insightful moment of realization
now once that occurs it changes the way people live in so many aspects
crystallization moments = dramatic moments that cause sudden realization
ex. Husband has outburst or temper and his wife realizes that his outburst aren’t just days but a defining character trait
creating situations where they can replicate the discovery so it becomes their own insight and results in motivation to act
1. Clear insight 2. Compressed in time 3. Discovered by the audience itself — provides blueprint when we want people to confront uncomfortable truths
to trip is to catch one’s foot on something and stumble. To trip over the truth is to catch one’s brain in something and struggle — what exactly is the something that your brain catches on?
you can’t appreciate the solution until you appreciate the problem
to trip over the truth, focus on the problems and work towards the solution
example: the course design institute (CDI) where professors in various subjects come to learn about their own curriculum design.
backward-integrated design: identify your goals, figure out how you’d assess whether students had hit those goals, design activities that would prepare students to excel at those assessments
simple but most professors design their curriculum by looking over the textbook and breaking down topics they want to cover
this has nothing to do with the students goals and objectives — most professors don’t necessarily want their students to be content focus so why does most syllabus have heavy content focus objectives on specific textbook topics?
trip over the truth, their own truth. Many syllabi changed to more life practicality and engaging students with what they see on the daily rather than a specific content
Chapter 6: Stretch For Insight
‘self-insight’ a mature understanding of our capabilities and motivations — correlated with positive outcomes and sense of purpose in life
self-insight sparked by stretching — to stretch us to place ourselves in situations that expose us to the risk of failure
“action leads to insight more often than insight leads to action”
learning who we are, and what we want, and what we’re capable of — it’s a lifelong process
sometimes we have these negative peaks (a pit) that we discover where we can survive and turn into growth
that’s why mentors are so important to push us a bit more and stretch — as a mentor, high standards and assurance
‘I know you’re capable of great things of you’ll just put in the work’ no personal judgement, it’s a push to stretch
another 2 elements to add on top of high standards and assurance is direction and support
I have high expectations for you and I know you can meet them. So try this new challenge and if you fail, I’ll help you recover’
“I learned that I’m capable of more than I thought”
‘if you’re always in a life vest, you don’t know if you can swim’ — sometimes you have to take off the life vest with someone still standing by to offer support and rescue and say let’s see what happens
mentorship: high standards + assurance + direction + support = enhanced self-sight
requires the mentor to expose the mentor to risk, that can be unnatural; our instinct with people we care about is to protect them from risk
moment of insight when you say ‘I don’t fear failure’
“what did you fail at this week?”
normalize failure, make it a conversation at dinner
“it’s always safer to stay put — you can’t stumble when you stand still”
but risks are risks and if risks always paid off, they wouldn’t be risks — it’s the learning not success
“we will never know our reach unless we stretch”
Moments of Pride
*Introduction to Moments of Pride
moments of pride captures us at our best — showing courage, earning recognition, conquering challenges
hard work is essential but it doesn’t guarantee that we’ll experience defining moments
Chapter 7: Recognize Others
a lot of similar stories where a student was seen as weak or the ugly duckling of the class then another teacher came in and gave confidence and they were able to shine
of all the the ways we can create moments of pride for others, the simplest is to offer them recognition
one major factor employees when asked to rank what motivated them in the work place is full appreciation of work done
it’s a universal expectation but not a universal practice
recognition is spontaneous and not part of a particular feedback session — targeted at particular behaviours
even if you think the other person is paid well and can afford their own little gifts, the prize or gift is a symbol
so many different styles to recognition it’s about being authentic — being personal not programmatic
the frequency is more weekly than yearly and of course the message of ‘I saw what you did and I appreciate it’
expressing gratitude pleases the recipient of the praise, but it can also have a boomerang effect elevating spirits if the grateful person
if you knew you could make a positive difference in someone’s life — that you could create a memory for them that would last for years, would you do it?
Chapter 8: Multiply Milestones
when we introduce multiple milestones that people met then it multiplies the pride that they experience
how we set goals is to see if we were better than before
we tend to declare goals without intervening levels — need to have levels
ex. ‘Learning Spanish’ level 1 = order a meal in Spanish, level 2 = have a simple conversation in Spanish with a taxi driver, level 3 = glance at a Spanish newspaper and understand one headline, level 4 = follow the action in a Spanish cartoon, level 5 = read a kindergarten level Spanish book, then so on until being able to speak Spanish with a local
compare that with trying to squeeze a Spanish study session than expecting to know Spanish
when we use the level up strategy we multiply the number of motivating milestones we encounter en route to a goal
couples celebrate anniversaries which are moments of elevation and connection but what about pride? — how about celebrating the progress the relationship has gained ‘look at how far we’ve come’
so why are we missing so many opportunities to create moments of pride for ourselves and for others
theory: we’ve been brainwashed by the goals we see in our work lives
ex. Lose 10lbs in 2 months — there’s no intermediate milestones, we need the ‘go one week without using elevator, ‘pick 2 microbrews to enjoy on Saturday after a full week without booze’
what’s inherently motivating, what would be worth celebrating, what’s a hidden accomplishment that is worth surfacing and celebrating
milestones sparks pride, it should also spark a celebration — a moment of elevation
the desire to hit milestones elicits a concerted final push of effort — ex. A marathon where we still the difference at the 4hr mark that’s the milestone of finishing under 4hrs, even thought 4hrs and 1sec is still about the same
when we have multiple milestones then we have many experiences of pride as we tend to the next one
Chapter 9: Practice Courage
“courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence or fear”
we take pride in the people we love, and we take pride in our own achievements
moments of courage might be a bit different but we can train for those moments
gradual and graduated practice of the dangerous tasks likely to be encountered
exposure therapy = where it is used to help reduce irrational fears — gradual steps to being exposed to fear — how can we manage fear
with ethics people tend to know what the right thing to do but the hard part is acting on that judgement — how can we get the right thing done
when we lack practice our good intentions often falter — in business people are afraid to bring up questions to the leaders — but one act of courage supports another
courage is contagious — it’s hard but easier when you’ve practiced and when you stand up others will join you
3 practical with principles to create more moments of pride:
⁃ Recognize others
⁃ Multiply milestones
⁃ Practice courage
Moments of Connection
*Introduction to Moments of Connection
more memorable when others are present?
moments of connection deepen our relationship with others — when members of a group grow closer, it’s because of moments that create shared meaning
Chapter 10: Create Shared Meaning
you can’t deliver a great patient experience without first delivering a great employee experience
for groups defining moments arise when we create shared meaning — highlighting the mission that binds us together and supersedes our differences, made to feel united
- Creating synchronized moment
⁃ Inviting shared struggles
⁃ Connecting to meaningtake laughter, laughter is more of a social reaction. It’s more about relationships than actual humour — we laugh to tie the group together
synchronizing the reactions — big moments needs to be shared in person
perceived pain increases voluntary behaviour to benefit others — usually a group will bond quickly through members struggling together
but why would people choose to struggle? If the conditions were right, meaning the work means something to them and they have some autonomy in carrying it out and it’s their choice
bring people together for synchronizing moment then invite him share purposeful struggle then find strategies to connect them to a larger sense of meaning
‘what I do for work makes a strong contribution to society, beyond making money’ — tend to have the highest performing ranks by their bosses
purpose vs passion — purpose = sense that you are contributing to others, your work has broader meaning. Passion = feeling of excitement or enthusiasm you have about your work
research has shown, purpose trumps passion. — Passion is individualistic, passion can be shared with others
purpose isn’t really discovering, it’s cultivated through insight and connection
connecting to meaning matters — sometimes must keep asking why until we get to contribution
understanding the purpose of the work allows for innovation and improvisation
‘we did something that mattered today’
Chapter 11: Deepen Ties
actually listening to people about themselves and their kids and what they care about can make the difference in deepen those ties
longer the relationship endures, closer you must grow? — but relationships don’t proceed in steady predictable increments, no guarantee that they will deepen with time
if you can create the right kind of moment, relationships can change in an instant
our relationships are stronger when we perceive that our partners are responsive to us — ‘perceived partner responsiveness’
⁃ Understanding: my partner knows how I see myself and what is important to me
⁃ Validation: my partner respects who I am and what I want
⁃ Caring: my partner takes active and supportive steps in helping me meet my needswe must pay attention to our team members, recognize their successes to be a responsive manger — responsiveness matters as much as the work
‘what matters to you’ and ‘what is the matter’
responsiveness matters in the complex, emotional relationships between caregivers and patients but also day to day interactions
a lot of annoyances in this world usually because of lack of responsiveness — you are not special, you’re a number
if we want more connection in our lives, we need to be more responsive
responsive doesn’t mean leading to intimacy, but coupled with openness, intimacy can develop
turn-taking can be incredibly simple: reveal something personal and the other person reciprocates — deepening the exchange
it’s the questions that create vulnerability and the turn taking takes place
challenge; sometime in the week when you’re having a conversation with a friend or family, push intentionally beyond small talk. Share something real like a struggle, make yourself vulnerable and trust your partners will reciprocate to elevate the conversation
relationships don’t deepen naturally, in absence of action they will stall — defining moments of connection can be both brief and extraordinary
Chapter 12 : Making Moments Matter
once you realize how important moments can be, it’s easy to spot opportunities to shape them
target a specific moment and then challenge yourself: how can I elevate it? Spark insight? Boost sense of connection?
“a bit of attention and energy can transform an ordinary moment into an extraordinary moment
why do we prioritize fixing problems over making moments? It actually backfires
‘regrets of the dying’:
⁃ I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected from me (most people had not honoured even half of their dreams and had to die knowing that you was due to choices they had made or not made)
⁃ I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
⁃ I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings (many suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others)
⁃ I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
⁃ I wish that I had let myself be happier (many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice, they had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits)the principles in this book serve as antidotes:
⁃ Stretching ourselves to discover reach
⁃ Being intentional about creating peaks
⁃ Practicing courage by speaking honesty and seeking peers who are responsive to us in the first place
⁃ The value of connection (and the difficulty of creating peaks)
⁃ Creating moments of elevation and breaking the script to move beyond old patterns and habitsit’s about action! The realization that we can act and willfully jolting our lives in a new direction — not receiving a moment, we will be seizing it
the most precious moments are often the ones that cost the least
to defy the forgettable flatness of everyday work and life by creating a few precious moments
what if we didn’t just remember the defining moments of our lives but made them
we can be the designers of moments that deliver elevation and inside and pride and connection — these are what make life meaningful, they are ours to create!