Everything is #@%!ed
BY: MARK MANSON
“Ultimately, the most meaningful freedom in your life comes from your commitments, the things in life for which you have chosen to sacrifice”
“the only true form of freedom, the only ethical form of freedom, is through self-limitation. It is not the privilege of choosing everything you want in your life, but rather, choosing what you will give up in your life”
Part 1: HOPE
Chapter 1: The Uncomfortable Truth
heroism isn’t just bravery or guts, it’s the ability to conjure hope where there is none
to show us a possibility for a better world — not a better world we want to exist, but a better world we didn’t know could exist
we are a culture in need of hope
one day you and everyone you love will die, and beyond a small group of people for an extremely brief period of time, little of what you say or do will ever matter — this the uncomfortable truth about life
hope is the fuel for our mental engine — hope is what you can affect somebody, that’s what matters, there’s needs to be something that matters to you and that’s hope
without hope your whole mental apparatus will stall out, if we don’t believe there’s hope that the future will be better than the present, that our lives will improve in some way
opposite of happiness is not anger or sad — if your angry or sad you still care, it matters to you, means you still have hope
the true opposite of happiness is hopelessness — everything is fucked so why do anything at all, a sense that there is no point
hope is what we believe to be greater than ourselves
hope gives us a sense of purpose — something better in the future but also it’s actually possible to go out and achieve that something
it doesn’t matter if you get hope from other methods but it’s the result of some belief there’s potential for growth in the future and there are ways to navigate ourselves to get there
paradox of progress; the better things get, the more anxious and desperate we all seem to feel
have this assumption that things are much worse than they are
even though there has been great progress to many of the world issues, other rise up such as depression and anxiety, stress, social trust loss
the wealthier and safer the place you live, the more likely you are to commit suicide
to build and maintain hope we need; a sense of control, a belief in the value of something, and a community
controls means that we feel in control of our own lives and we can affect our fate
value means we find something important enough to work towards
community means we are part of a group that values the same things we do and working to achieving those things
the original question: what is happening in our world that is causing us to feel worse despite everything consistently getting better?
Chapter 2: Self-Control Is an Illusion
to generate hope in our lives, we must first feel as though we have control over our lives
we must feel as though we’re following through on what we know is good and right; that we’re chasing after “something better”
the ‘classic assumption’ is when we see passion and emotion as flaws — we judge based on this, if your obese it’s seen as a failure of self-control
to maintain hope then, to decide we must change ourselves and become somebody different and new — but then this itself can be a addiction
the truth is that the human mind is far more complex than any secret and can’t simply change yourself or feel you must always do
we require more than just willpower to achieve self control — our emotions are instrumental in our decision making and our actions
there’s your thinking brain and your feeling brain — thinking brain is logical and express ideas through language, the feeling brain is your emotions, instincts and intuition
we would think the thinking brain is the one mainly in control but really it’s the feeling brain as we are moved to action only by emotion — action is emotion
emotion inspires action, and action inspires emotion — so why don’t we do the things we know we should do? Because we don’t feel like it, an emotional problem
self-serving bias is what you assume feels right is ultimately right — making snap judgements about people, places, groups, and ideas
then mistaking what feels good for what is good — that’s when the feeling brain takes over
accepting our emotions and working with them rather against them, as we don’t want to just shut off emotions either
to speak to the feeling brain, start small as feelings don’t last and it only understands through feelings
the feeling brain gets to control the meaning of your impulses and feelings
the feeling brain is subjective and relative, the thinking brain is objective and factual
Chapter 3: Newton’s Laws of Emotion
Newton grew up without his father and mother left at early age so he was with uncles and grandparents here and there but nobody wanted him
he fell into things that are considered nerdy as a child and he felt that something was wrong with him
so now put this into newtons 3 laws of emotion:
law number 1: for every action, there’s is an equal and opposite emotional reaction = moral gaps are when something wrong has just happened and you or someone else deserve to be made whole again — this is where our values are born
we have a natural inclination to equilateral this moral gap to reciprocate actions, this implies emotions to fill the gap
this is the operation of the feeling brain — creates our values around our experiences of pain
thinking brain thinks horizontally, how are things related. Feeling brain thinks vertically, which of these things are better/worse
feeling brain creates a hierarchy of value, thinking brain able to point out how certain experiences are connected and suggest how the value hierarchy should be reorganized = growth; reprioritizing one’s value hierarchy in an optimal way
fun is the product of our value hierarchy — when we stop valuing something it stops being fun
law number 2: Our self-worth equals the sum of our emotions over time when moral gaps persist for a long enough time, they normalize — default expectation
when we aren’t able to equalize the gap then we accept it
how we come to value everything in life relative to ourselves is the sum of our emotions over time
we must feel something about ourselves in order to feel something about the world — without those feelings, it’s impossible for us to find hope
law number 3: Your identity will stay your identity until a new experience acts against it
our values aren’t just collections of feelings — our values are stories
our narratives about ourselves and the world are fundamentally about something or someone’s value and whether that something/someone deserves that value
this network of value based narratives is our identity
our childhood experiences both good and bad have long lasting effects in our identities and generate fundamental values
2 ways to heal yourself — replace old, faulty values with better healthier values. And writing the narratives of your future self, to envision what life would be like if you have certain values or possessed a certain identity
the stories of our past define our identity. The stories of our future define our hopes and our ability to step into those narratives and live them, to make them reality, is what gives our lives meaning
there is an emotional gravity to our values: we attract those into our orbit who value the same things we do, and instinctively repel, as if by reverse magnetism, those whose values are contrary to our own
these attractions form large orbits of like minded people around the same principle
all people are more the same than different — but slight differences generate emotions and emotions generates a sense of importance
when values lose out to other values of another, history continues and that’s progress
Chapter 4: How to Make All Your Dreams Come True
an introduction to a proven system that will help you achieve everlasting bliss and eternal salvation: communities builds hope
in order to feel hope, we need to feel there’s a better future out there (values); we need to feel as though we are capable of getting to that better future (self-control); we need to find other people who share our values and support our efforts (community)
must give them faith; must have sauté in something, without faith, there is no hope
you have faith that love matters, that your job matters, that any of this matters; something is important to you
faith in what? What do we choose to believe?
rituals make our values tangible — have to live it not think it, have to experience it
if everything was perfect and great, there’d be no reason to follow anybody — no religion will ever make you feel blissful and peaceful all the time
Chapter 5: Hope Is F*cked
science introduced the world to growth — change occurred slowly back in the days
life then got better and people could see the changes
as we start to realized the the more messed up this world is, the antidote is hope
experiences generate emotions, emotions generates values, values generate narratives of meaning, when similar narratives of meaning come together they create a religion
as they expand there will be conflict and that must exist to maintain meaning and purpose for people within the group
conflict maintains hope?
the hope that brings us the most joy to our lives also is the same hope that brings us our greatest danger
embrace one’s pain, the high and lows, the meaning and meaninglessness — closing the separation between one’s desires and reality not by steering for more desires, but simply desiring reality
hope for infinite opportunities and oppression present in every single moment. Hope for the suffering that comes with freedom, for the pain that comes from happiness
must learn to love what is
Part 2: Everything is F*cked
Chapter 6: The Formula of Humanity
the world of prioritization where we choose what is better than the other
early in our childhood we are driven by exploration — our feeling brain is collecting information to build our value hierarchy
as we grow older though we stop this exploration because we recognize there’s too much world to explore and we fall into these rules to help navigate the complexity
this is usually from teachers and parents but mainly through our own navigation
as we grow older we start to approach life as transactions — maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain
the most important things in life cannot be gained through bargaining — don’t want to bargain with father for love, if you have to convince someone to trust you, then they won’t actually trust you
the difference between a child, adolescent and an adult is not age but it’s the why they do something
when we swede kids the way we learned to transcend the pleasure/pain values is by pursuing those values and seeing how they fail us
it’s only by experiencing the pain of their failure that we learn to transcend them
it’s difficult to act unconditionally, ex. you love someone knowing you may not be loved in return, do it anyway — to act unconditionally requires some degree of faith
creating greater happiness and less suffering giving people greater personal liberties and freedoms and promoting compassion, empathy and equality
the one thing that is completely scarce and unique is consciousness, the ability to reason
we are the only ones that are self aware
true meaning of existence is the ability to form meaning
must treat humanity never merely as a means, but always as an end itself
only logical way to improve the world is through improving ourselves
don’t need to hope for a better life, simply be a better life
improved ability to be honest with yourself will increase how honest you are with others
the relationship you have with yourself will ripple to others as they will clean up their relationship with themselves — this is how you change the world
power by its very nature forces leaders to be transactional
Chapter 7: Pain Is The Universal Constant
prevalence-induced concept change: an experiment where participants had to watch a screen, either a blue dot or purple dot will appear and must click a button that is either blue or not blue, sometimes participant mixed the colours up as blue came up more often
humans tend to warp their perception to fit their expectations
the more we look for threats, the more we will see them, regardless of how safe or comfortable our environment actually is
protecting people from problems or adversity doesn’t make them happier or more secure; it makes them more easily insecure
perhaps by removing healthy adversities and challenge, people struggle even more
“a man should look for what is, and not what he thinks should be” — Albert Einstein
our perceptions of time and space can change depending on the context of our observations
we are always trying to chase our 10/10 happiness level, pain is the universal constant as it will bring it back level — what’s changes is your perception
so we can’t really get rid of pain — the attempt to remove it to protect oneself from all harm, can only backfire
trying to eliminate pain only increases your sensitivity to suffering
that’s why hope is ultimately self-defeating and self-perpetuating: no matter what we achieve, no matter what peace and prosperity we find, our mind will quickly adjust its expectations to maintain a steady sense of adversity — forcing formulation of a new hope
the pursuit of happiness is impossible — the more you pursue it the less attainable, must live your perception of happiness everyday
living well does not mean avoiding suffering; it means suffering for the right reasons — Honor the struggle
anti fragile system is a system that gains from stressors and external pressures
our minds and body’s can work in this system as we learn and make ourselves better — gain from failure and disorder
when we avoid pain and stress we become fragile
pain is the universal constant so no matter how good or bad your life gets, the pain will be there and it eventually feels manageable
question is: will you engage your pain or avoid it? — fragility or anti fragility
suffering is always a choice — always a separation between what we experience and how we interpret that experience
that’s the difference between a child, adolescent and adult — adults have high threshold for pain because they understand that life, in order to be meaningful, requires pain — do the best you can regardless the consequences
the child has a low tolerance as their world is revolving around the avoidance of pain — failure to avoid pain is a failure to find meaning or purpose
the adolescent has a bit higher tolerance as they understand that pain is needed for a trade off to achieve their goals but it goes bad when the trade off is not worth it, unexpected events they can’t tolerate
if you remove death, you remove scarcity from life, and if you remove scarcity, you remove the ability to determine value
death is psychologically needed to create stakes in life — something to lose
pain is our currency of our values — without the pain of loss or potential loss, it becomes impossible to determine the value of anything
anti fragility is synonymous with growth and maturity
life is one never ending stream of pain, and to grow is not to find a way to avoid that stream but, rather to dive into it and successfully navigate its depths
the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our character, and the quality of our character is determined by our relationship to our pain
to numb ourselves to our pain is to numb ourselves to anything that matters in the world — pain opens up the moral gaps that eventually become our most deeply held values and beliefs
Chapter 8: The Feelings Economy
the world runs on one thing: feelings
people spend money on things that make them feel good and where the money flows, power flows
so we use money to make people feel better or prevent them from feeling worse
2 ways to create value in the marketplace: 1. Innovations (upgrade pain); replace the pain with a more tolerable one 2. Diversions (avoid pain); numb pain, delays the pain and often makes worse
the internet had great intentions but in the end it was designed to give us what we need but instead gave us what we wanted
we always think that the world is corrupting us with materials but realistically corporations are supplying our demand so maybe what we want sucks?
many people are too easily manipulated into wanting shit that they they don’t actually want
give the people what they want is fake freedom: we become fragile as we want comfort and pleasure all the time; we become prone to low level addictive behaviour; if you feel okay only when life is happy
paradox of choice: more options we’re given, the less satisfied we are with whatever option we go with
variety is not freedom — variety is different permutations of the same thing
more stuff doesn’t make us freer — it imprisons us, more prone to treating ourselves and others as means rather than ends
real freedom; is through self-limitation, it is not the privilege of choosing everything you want in your life, but rather, choosing what you will give up in your life
you will always be able to choose what you are willing to sacrifice, what you are willing to give up
ultimately the most meaningful freedom in your life comes from your commitments
this new life hacking where people try to learn and do things quickly, simply put trying to reap the rewards of commitment without actually making a commitment
fake freedom is addictive as no matter how much you have, you always feel as though it’s not enough — endless series of transactions and bargains
real freedom is seeing the world unconditionally
one must build character through various forms of self-denial, rather than through self indulgence
extreme freedom can’t be expected to lead to anything but a change to extreme slavery
freedom itself demands discomfort
Chapter 9: The Final Religion
AI is on the rise and we are following with it
power emerges from the ability to manipulate and process information, we always end up worshipping whatever has the most power over us
evolution rewards the most powerful creatures, and power is determined by the ability to access, harness, and manipulate information effectively
as humans we are very effective to process information but the human mind is still incredibly flawed. Our ability to process information is hamstrung by our emotional need to validate ourselves
don’t need to hope for better, be better — more compassionate, more resilient, more humble, more disciplined, a better human
hope that fake freedom of variety will be rejected by people in favour of the deeper, more meaningful freedom of commitment
demand something better of themselves first before demanding something better from the world