Things No One Else Can Teach Us
BY: HUMBLE THE POET
Introduction
you are the only person capable of creating real change in your life — and you can feel that change only when you can feel it within you (4)
a voice in your head continues to tell you that your stories aren’t worth sharing and that it’s egotistical to assume anyone would care — but another voice is emerging, a voice that reminds you that we’re all in this together and that sharing your challenges and experiences, and lessons you’ve learned from them, will contribute to a world beyond yourself (6)
no one else shares our unique experiences, and therefore no one else can show us the light at the end of the tunnels we dig (6)
all the experiences we go through in life are our lessons, all the people we meet are our teachers — what we learn is what we earn from those experiences (7)
FORTUNATELY/UNFORTUNATELY, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER
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the longer we live, the more we experience death, in and around us — nothing lasts forever (13)
the fact that life is temporary — the happiness, the joy, the hope, the fear, the pain, the sorrow, the victories, the defeats, — is the most comforting and terrifying fact of existence (13)
realizing that nothing we know and cherish today will last forever can be difficult (14)
Chapter 1: Everything Is Temporary, So Appreciate Those YOU Have While You Have Them
we forget/ignore/avoid mortality for so many reasons, and when those close to us pass away, we wake up, but only temporarily, before we reset to our unappreciative defaults (21)
the uncomfortable reality is that any connection with a friend could possibly be the last — but can be a good lens viewing the world as we would treat the people in our lives with more care (21)
let’s appreciate who and what we have while we still have it (22)
what are you working for if you have no one in your life worth sharing it with? (23)
remembering that the people in our lives won’t be here forever is the best way to motivate us to be as wonderful to them as possible, while they’re still here (25)
Chapter 2: Patience Is Making Time For Your BFF
don’t need to view those scars as reminders of our injuries, we can see them as proof of our resilience — we don’t have to trust others when they come into our worlds; we just have to trust ourselves to handle whatever happens (30)
beautiful winds won’t take us anywhere if we don’t have our sails open (30)
Chapter 3: You Are Going To Die, And Remembering That Can Be A Good Thing
facing death is a great alarm clock, being aware of our mortality, even when things are going well, is a great way to avoid pressing the snooze button (34)
taking inventory of all the things you are spending time, energy, focus on — would this be worth it if today were the last day? (35)
there is no better time to enjoy life then the present, because that present is all we have (35)
our problems are only real because we forget we’re going to die (36)
its great to have ambitions for the future, but let’s add some short-term and immediate things to look forward to as well so we’re not deferring our entire life to ‘someday’ (37)
things aren’t black and white, good or bad, positive or negative — a lot of space exists in between (38)
Chapter 4: Don’t Cry Because It’s Over, Smile Cause It Happened
we control death; we can mange or delay it, but we can never outright avoid it (43)
all relationships are seasons — some last longer than others — it’s our fear of not being in control that makes us bitter and greedy in the face of the truth that everything is temporary (44)
the fact that it ended is one of the reasons it was so valuable (44)
we will all suffer loss. It’s a grantee in life — it’s a natural part of life (45)
despite all things that can and often will go wrong it’s worth going for it — holding yourself back from experiencing life will leave stains on your spirit that may never come out (45)
we don’t have control of a lot of things but we do have control over our efforts and our perspectives — if we go in with an open heart toward possibility of loss then maybe the blow won’t feel so traumatic (46)
how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard (46)
why not approach life with curiosity and wonder, instead of dread and fear (46)
our journey is life, and no one makes it out alive; the finish is death, so let’s enjoy life while we can with those we love, while they’re still here (46)
Close
if things lasted forever, would we be able to appreciate them? (48)
don’t want things to last forever as you’ll want other experiences, and those will expiry date (49)
life is a spectrum of experiences and we can dance between them, because between us all that matters (life is what happens between birth and death) (49)
it’s that in-between period in life that opens up endless possibilities for what our lives can become (50)
KNOWING YOURSELF MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE
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making decisions takes energy, and it gets exhausting. It’s called decision fatigue — the decisions we can’t make with confidence end up being made for us (55)
that’s why so many of us go through school, get a job, get married, have kids, put them to school, they get married, they have kids, and retire and die (56)
for those who decide to go off-script, we’re leaving a zoo to enter the jungle — trade feelings of safety and security for uncertainty (56)
we have to go through bullshit in order to learn who we really are — you can’t be yourself if you don’t know who you are (56)
every moment when you’ve discovered something new about yourself likely happened the hard way, but it was worth it (57)
Chapter 5: We Can Survive A Lot
the world doesn’t stop for our tragedies; it keeps moving, and we we have to keep moving with it (62)
none of us know how strong we are until being strong is the only option we have left — we spend so much of our lives avoiding discomfort that we don’t realize that in those uncomfortable situations, our best selves emerges (63)
let’s stop avoiding painful situations, because that’s where all the growth lives (64)
fear keeps us in line, and the moment we realize how much we’re capable of enduring, the fences that hold us back start to disintegrate (65)
Chapter 6: Service To Others Is Also A Great Service To Ourselves (Sewa)
we all have a higher need to contribute to things and people beyond ourselves, but few act on that need, let alone recognize it — gives you a sense of gratitude (69)
the immigrant narrative dictated that their dreams should be modest and realistic — which is what they tried to pass down to their kids, but he decided it wasn’t for him (70)
nothing you do for yourself will ever match the feelings that come from doing things for those you care about (70)
what did you learn about yourself in those moments when you helped others? (71)
to make seemingly impossible things happen for those you care about is something that will always get me out of your bed and keep going (71)
Chapter 7: When We Know Our Why, Our How Gets Easier
one major change happened, found a purpose; made progress only after I decided his purpose (76)
he who has a why to live can bear almost any how (76)
unpacking our purpose and discovering why the things that excited us do so is a process (77)
our purpose can change, and that’s okay. The why isn’t always a fixed thing (77)
finding out what’s important to us may be the most vital thing we ever do, but that process will always start with knowing ourselves (78)
go out there trying to new experiences, and see what connects with you — a whole new life may be waiting for you (78)
Chapter 8: We Gotta Pay Tuition For Life Lessons
we are responsible for the problems in our lives, whether they are our fault or not — give things time (83)
if you look back on your life the biggest lessons you learned came from harsh reality checks (84)
we have control over how we approach the things that happens to us in life and how much effort we give them (84)
Close
the more we explore, experiment, examine, and extract ourselves, the better off we’ll be in this journey called life (86)
when we have a deeper understanding of ourselves and begin to pave our own road, there won’t be any traffic, but we also won’t have much company (86)
that loneliness can be quelled quickly as we develop the most important relationship we have in our lives: the one with ourselves (87)
being ‘cool’ is being comfortable in your own skin, by being yourself (87)
let’s all aim to be cooler people and encourage others to do the same. Not in hopes that we will all fit in, but to celebrate the things that make us all stand out (88)
DON’T FOCUS ON THE POT OF GOLD, ENJOY THE RAINBOW
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have you ever noticed, that when you’re having fun, you’re more present and willing to dig in when you don’t have the destination in view (93)
we think we’ll experience a certain feeling when we when we hit our goal, but the feeling rarely lives up to expectations — we enjoy the few moments of satisfaction before waking up the next morning thinking what’s next? (95)
there’s no happily ever after — figure out which journeys we’ll enjoy the most and not depend on the destination to bring us happiness (95)
our journey is ours, and ours alone, and if need be, we may need to abandon one rainbow to have and adventure on another (95)
western society is based on Abrahamic theology: Christianity, Judaism, and Islam — all traditions that focus on life as a straight line with an end goal. Eastern philosophies such as Sikhi, Hinduism, and Buddhism offer a cyclical perspective — like seasons, things start and end and start again, life and death aren’t on two ends of the spectrum rather are part of the same cycle, depending on each other to keep moving (95)
Chapter 9: Focus On The Fun, And Everything Else Will Fall Into Place (and if it doesn’t, at least you’re having fun)
ping-pong: the challenge made it even more fun, the tiny progress he was making made him want to keep going all while feeling super excited and energized about the process of learning (101)
choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life — but that’s lie, you might be able to travel the world, have adventure, and write about them but it feels like work; so instead ‘choose the fun. Don’t focus on the love with the hope that it sustains your enthusiasm. When the fun is the focus, the work is the reward — so enjoy the moments of blood, sweat, tears, or find something to else to do (102)
they say trust the process — but the process doesn’t need to be trusted, just enjoyed (102)
how we measure success can blind us to other treasures (102)
it’s the type of fun that first made us fall in love with the art we do — the more fun you share, the more fun finds you (103)
Chapter 10: The Pot Of Gold Rarely Makes The Journey Worth It
humble was so focus on creating the environment to make more money that he stopped focusing on what git him to that point — his art (107)
getting paid paid didn’t feel better than doing something that made him happy (107)
time is worth more than money — you can make your money back. But incentive is spent, it’s gone for good (107)
he made enjoying the journey more important than worrying about the destination — journey is the only treasure that matters (108)
Chapter 11: Give Yourself Permission To Dance On Different Rainbows
we create reasons why amazing things can’t happen to us (110)
you come up with a great idea, and immediately make a list of reasons not to do it (113)
realized that telling his stories was helping other people figure out their own — when the things he wrote about have to do with him, he is the most qualified (114)
we plant our flag of identity into some lifestyle, or belief, or brand, or political party. Then we dig in deeper if anyone challenges that identity, but what happens when the doubt and challenges come from within? (115)
he had to give himself permission to let go of an identity that no longer fit (115)
we’re all in journeys, and sometimes we spend so much time on and invest so much energy in heading in one direction that the idea of any other direction is both foreign and frightening — our journeys themselves become comforting zones, sometimes hopping off one rainbow and onto the next is exactly what we need (115)
no one needs to have everything figured out, and honestly, nobody really does (119)
Chapter 12: We All Have Different Rainbows
the sun will shine on you differently (121)
can’t identify all gaps in your life on basis of whoever you cross paths with cause we will always meet people that have something we don’t (121)
questions allow us to dig deeper and explore (123)
walk your journey and live your truth, find smiles and relief knowing that you’re part of a bigger puzzle and your contributions is as important and insignificant as everyone’s else (124)
share your journey with others, as they’ll help better understand yourself (124)
Chapter 13: Often, There Is No End To The Rainbow
TED talks was something he always wanted to be apart of, he attended one and the feeling was electric — to feel a part of something bigger than ourselves (128)
hesitated a bunch of times before when presented with opportunities because he didn’t know whether they would pay off the end — but the opportunities themselves were the payoff (129)
jumping into anything with low expectations is the best way to exceed expectations (130)
when you’re enjoying the rainbow, the pot of gold only gets in the way (130)
Close
remember going outside as a kid — you ran, you jumped, you worked and burned calories, you made decisions and laughed and cried and scraped your knees and that was it, didn’t get a paycheck for doing it; the reward was doing it (132)
our lives and all the things worth enjoying in them, don’t come after the hump — they are the humps — the ups and owns, problems and solutions, challenges and triumphs are what pave this journey (133)
ZOOM OUT
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need to zoom out to get a better view of how things affect more than just you — helps us to think long term and recognize patterns so we don’t overreact in the short term (140)
life isn’t what happens to us; it’s how we deal with it and how we deal with it always depends on the perspective we can find (140)
we can’t predict the future, so we shouldn’t be so quick to judge the present (140)
less time judging life and more time understanding and embracing it (141)
Chapter 14: Try To Relate To The Bad Guys In Your Story
I’m not just a victim of pain: I’m capable, like all of us, of creating it in others (143)
the more we can step out of our situation, the more we can figure out what other behaviours and expectations contribute and relate to these same choices (145)
we can forgive ourselves only when we’re open to forgiving others — ‘what happened sucked, and it hurt me, but I no longer want to carry it with me moving forward’ (147)
seeing a bigger picture, without judgment, is the only way we can have a clear view of the life and futures we want, while being able to stomach inconvenient truths and without being jaded, bitter, or blaming the world (148)
Chapter 15: Chapters End, But Our Story As A Whole Keeps Evolving
we see what we want to see, and believing in signs from the universe makes for a comforting cocktail (155)
our beliefs serve as pillars that hold up our identities (155)
the shifts in perspective aren’t tragic — they’re normal, and who knows what the next 30 years have in store for your story (156)
don’t get frustrated if you haven’t figured something out entirely, whether that be your job or your relationship or your faith — some things are ever-becoming, ever-evolving; stepping back to realize this is what matters (157)
time brought me here — to a place of self awareness and patience (158)
Chapter 16: Judge Less, Understand More
we judge people because it’s easier than what we should be doing: trying to understand them — when we understand, we’re less reactive and more compassionate (163)
our common stories of oppression should unite us much more than our fears of each other can ever separate us (163)
continue to put yourself in environments that require you to listen more and speak less, because that’s where the learning, and growth, happens (164)
a conscious decision to pause judgement and step back to gain a wider view so you could better understand and learn from what you experienced (165)
Chapter 17: You Aren’t That Special, Embrace It
we are all so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and even the grand scheme we understand is insignificant compared with the grand scheme we don’t yet know, so stop worrying so much (169)
we chase significance and being seen, but there is so much more freedom in obscurity and insignificance (170)
Chapter 18: We Don’t Own A Crystal Ball, So Stop Assuming The Future
we can’t predict the future — but there’s more to it than that, we can still change our awareness (174)
we can’t see the future, and that simple fact is why we can’t get too excited or worried about a situation — we just have to let it play out (175)
not knowing what’s going to happen next doesn’t frighten you — rather it should excite you (176)
Chapter 19: Are You Being Pushed By Fear, Or Pulled By Love?
we come up with ideas, and five seconds later we have a list of criticisms and reasons why they’re bad ideas (180)
we’re either pushed by fear, or pulled by love — either way we’re headed in the same direction, but only love will keep us fueled for the long haul — fear is not a sustainable motivator; it just exhausts us (181)
are you pushed by fear, or pulled by love? (182)
a loving relationship between two people can get very complicated and have once they get married — something that was seen as an end goal can open all sorts of new problems, and that’s okay, as long as we’re paying attention (182)
Close
we all need to be aware of how our choices affect the world around us and how the world around us affects the choices we make (185)
often those who hurt us are rarely plotting to do so but are just thinking of themselves too (185)
we have the power to encourage ourselves, with love, to see beyond ourselves, so to at we can truly feel less alone and see the bigger picture of life (186)
ZOOM IN
Open
when we’re in the safety of the school system, most of our idealisms are reinforced, because we’re in a controlled environment (191)
observing life on a deeper level will help us understand ourselves better (192)
Chapter 20: Life Isn’t Black And White, There’s Plenty Of Grey In Between
it’s convenient to label things as good or bad, good or evil, it doesn’t require much understanding, just a firm judgement — when we zoom in a bit closer and examine the details, we realize that things aren’t as black and white as we thought; there’s a lot of grey to explore (197)
we just have to hold off on our judgment, try to gather more information, and gain a better understanding of what’s happening (197)
don’t need to hold grudges against people who wrong you, and steer clear of — continue on your journey with people who care about you and your purpose (198)
there is no absolute good or bad; everything is what we make of it (199)
Chapter 21: Don’t Be So Hyperbolic
often times when bad things happen to us we freak out — but what does that help us accomplish — life continues (203)
worrying rarely helps anything, and freaking out usually does more damage than good — trauma is an individual experience for everyone: but let’s also be mindful of how often we over amplify the degree of our traumas while underestimating our resilience (204)
nothing is the end of the world until it’s the end of the world, and then nothing will matter anyway (204)
Chapter 22: Detach Your Self-Worth From Your Choices
we have the opportunity to reverse the momentum of our behaviour at any moment — we can separate ourselves from the poor choices we make and start fresh with better decisions (208)
can change our framework from stopping to starting into a positive way — instead of ‘I need to stop procrastinating’ we can say ‘I need to start my work’ (209)
it empowers us for action and starting something and see progress (203)
we weren’t born out of the box with the right tools to handle life’s challenges; we need to learn them — what choices can you start exploring to find a better journey (210)
Close
when we zoom in, we can better understand the intentions of others and of ourselves (212)
life isn’t simple good or bad, black or white, right and wrong; it’s a spectrum (212)
how we judge the world is a reflection of how judge ourselves and vice versa (213)
LIMIT YOUR SELF-PITY
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feeling sorry for ourselves puts us against others and further isolates us — creating a cycle where we feel we have no one else but ourselves (219)
power and blame go hand in hand, so if we want to find the power to improve our situation, we’re going to have to take responsibility, no matter how much others did us dirty (220)
let’s reserve our judgements of the randomness that is life (220)
Chapter 23: Caution: Social Media Is A Playground For Self-Pity
whenever he met someone, he’d use them as a measure to identify gaps in his life (221)
we all want to feel like we’re enough, but who gets to decide how much is enough (222)
social media would find a reason to feel like he wasn’t good enough — had to make a change (223)
reducing social media usage has made more aware of how addicted he wa to the micro-gratification (225)
comparing ourselves to others often damages our self-worth and demotivates us, creating a downward spiral (227)
Chapter 24: Self-Pity Is Easy And Convenient Like Fast Food
self-pity is a tricky thing — our need to connect and bond with something or somebody; when we feel sorry for ourselves, we decide that no one understands us and that creates a temporary connection to ourselves — it’s the lost convenient way to feel a connection (230)
when we’re tired and frustrated, we’re going to choose the Easier way which takes a toll over time (231)
all personal growth exists outside our comfort zones, and out there, inconvenience and discomfort are inevitable (231)
Chapter 25: We Don’t Scream “Why Me” During The Good Times, So Don’t Scream It During The Bad
when bad things happen to us, we can easily fall into the world of self-pity and play the blame game — but how often we keep bullets dodged as reminders of how fortunate we are? (235)
it’s very easy to feel sorry for ourselves since it scratches an important itch that we all need scratching; our need to connect (235)
Chapter 26: Turn Rejection Into Invitation
why are you taking meetings with these people?, what good are you to them?, what leverage do you have going into those meetings that’s going to make them want to even see you?, these people won’t make you a priority because you are replaceable, your ultimate leverage is your craft (240)
the better we get at our craft, the fewer people we compete with, and the more we stand out (241)
anything we want to be great at, we have to practice (242)
can’t control the outcome of another persons decisions, you do have absolute control over your efforts (242)
focusing on what’s in your control will give you more than enough to work on, so you’ll never be sitting around again complaining about what others won’t do for you (243)
Chapter 27: Self-Pitt Feeds Our Insecurities (and that leaves us bitter and angry)
our problems aren’t always our fault, but they’re still our responsibility (247)
when we spend so much time burying our feelings, the smallest things can trigger us, and everything we’ve been holding in will all come out in one big explosion (247)
when we address the big stresses the small ones can slide off our shoulders instead of building up into something they don’t need to be (251)
Chapter 28: Getting Offended Is A Form Of Self-Pity
no one can offend us without our permission (256)
those who offend you, conquer you — when we scream I’m offended it’s a way of finding people who show you empathy; call to connect and again not the most sustainable way of connecting (257)
Close
the goal isn’t to encourage you to fight your feelings; it’s to help you determine when your feeling are holding on to the steering wheel and are about to crash you into a park full of children (260)
in addition to limiting our self-pity, let’s work to feed our self-compassion (261)
show yourself compassion by not allowing yourself to be in situations that drain you of your energy, attention, love and time (261)
we aren’t victims of life — we are life (261)
THERE’S NO WIN OR LOSE, THERE’S ONLY WIN OR LEARN
Open
success is a lousy teacher — if things continued to go flawlessly, there wouldn’t be much of a story to tell when we look back; it’s the resistance, the heartaches, the disappointments, and the the challenges that give life spice, and give us a story worth telling (267)
we fear losing and failure, but we don’t realize that’s where all the lessons are hiding (267)
once we remind ourselves to find opportunity in any situation, there is no loss, just learning — failure isn’t the opposite of success, it’s the path to it (268)
losses become gains when we let go of resentment, regret, grudges, and self-pity, because that opens us to finding the value in the times things don’t go the way we want (268)
Chapter 29: Stop Calling Them Failures, Start Calling Them Teachers
love isn’t the glue, it’s the fuel — it wasn’t her absence of love for him that killed their flame; it was her love for herself that pushed her into a new direction — a direction that he couldn’t be a part of (272)
we win even when we lose — it allows you to be more open and honest in matters of the heart (273)
all relationships depend on priorities, and you must know your own before you expect someone to match (273)
relationships don’t get easier; we just get more prepared because we become more aware — aware of how we view things, how to look at things in other ways, and how we react when our expectations aren’t met (273)
Chapter 30: Not Everyone We Lose Is A Loss
it doesn’t matter why someone did something to us as much as it matters why we care (278)
we can’t make everyone happy, ever, and trying to is such a waste of time, energy, love and focus (278)
losing people is hard, but losing ourselves while trying to keep others happy is much more expensive — we can’t please everyone — there’s no pain in having everyone like us if we don’t like ourselves (279)
Chapter 31: We Can Lose More Trying To Win
when we hold grudges against people the only person truly affected by all the toxicity of is yourself (283)
some situations are unavoidable but we got to let that go — we can embrace friction with others without holding grudges (284)
the tunnel vision that comes from trying to satisfy our egos can lead us into great danger (285)
everything we want comes at a cost, whether that cost is our time, energy, attention, or love, so we need to ask ourselves whether any of it is worth trading away for the thing we’re chasing (285)
Chapter 32: Freedom Is Having Nothing To Lose
people find freedom when they have nothing left to lose; once they decide to risk everything for their freedom, they’ve achieved that freedom (290)
it is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees — Dolores lbarruri (290)
the freedom we want starts with us and requires no one else’s permission or validation (290)
once we decide, we become — no longer going to let the idea of loss scare us into paralysis (290)
the moment we decide to learn from our losses, we no longer feel them or fear them — once we are free from the fear of loss, we are free to discover ourselves and live our most authentic lives (291)
everyone is fighting their own battles — just know that you are not afraid to get knocked down; so be forever grateful that you crossed paths with the people everyday (292)
Chapter 33: There Are No Time Machines, So Fix It Next Time
why deny yourself of a new experience — regardless of the cost? Memories are what matters (295)
sometimes moving past the fear meant spending the money; other times it meant getting out of the house; and other times it meant being brave enough to be open and honest in communication (295)
so many of us are paralyzed in a world of perfectionism because we’re afraid of making a mistake (296)
we move on with the new knowledge and wisdom we acquire from the mistakes of our past (296)
Close
opportunism means recognizing power to find opportunity in any situation instead of simply labeling as a win or a loss (298)
focusing on the lessons in our failures and shortcomings ensures that things will always have a silver lining, and that’s the recipe for sustainable success moving forward (299)
the world needs new ideas, and new ideas come from people who are looking for them, not from people who are busy judging what’s in front of them (300)
Outro
life is more complicated than wrapping up this book in a neat tidy bow — when there isn’t a perfect resolution, there can be healing and self-exploration — we can choose to see our broken heart as an open heart that is willing to grow and mend (303)
there is so much power in realizing we’re not alone (304)
reason there are things no one else can teach us is because no one else can live our lives and explore our stories for us — all of our lives are beautiful messes, and no one else knows how it feels to have our experiences, or how much we hold onto, or how much longer we can go on (305)
sharing could save countless other people who are going through the same things — stories help equip, empower and embolden others to feel a little less alone (305)