Things That Matter
BY: JOSHUA BECKER
Part 1: The Objective And The Obstacles
Chapter 1: A Life With No Regrets
a list of regrets people made when they were about to die went viral as a Australian nurse spent years caring for others and created a book (3)
why? Because we all know that’s going to be us nearing death someday and we don’t want those same regrets — we are also already starting to have regrets about our life choices (4)
something’s got to change here and there’s only so much time ahead to make that change — it is most certainly possible to make changes that take us off the easy path of immersing ourselves in the ordinary and the immediate and out onto a more intentional path that leads to a life that satisfies and resonates beyond our own mortal existence, a life well lived (4)
if you were to die today, what one thing or few things would you be most disappointed that you weren’t able to complete? (6)
not talking about bucket list items like ride in a hot air balloon it’s about living in a way that makes a difference, knowing our lives matter and make an impact on the world in a positive way, our existence means something (6)
you can do something now, go live the life you want to live (8)
“it is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested — we are not given a short life but we make it short, life is long if you know how to use it (9)
minimalism = the intentional promotion of the things we must value by removing anything that distracts us from them (11)
it’s about creating freedom — when we own fewer possessions, we liberate precious energy, time, and focus that we can direct toward more meaningful pursuits (11)
there are a few things in life more inspirational than peering into the eyes of a man who does not fear his own death (14)
spend time on things that meet the needs of others (16)
pursuits that help other people are the most influential, the most enduring, and even the most rewarding (16)
you are designed to achieve great things! You are unique in your being, your personality, your abilities, and your relationships. And there is no one else on the face of earth who can live your life and accomplish your good (16)
there are people in your life whom you can serve and live better than anyone else can (17)
your highest achievement will be different from mine, but we both have one (17)
if pursuing things that matter is so great, why aren’t more of us actually going after our dearest goals? — distractions. (17)
things that we just assume we should do because everybody else is doing them or things we’d like to escape if only we knew how or things that are mildly rewarding while being easy and safe — but they aren’t things that matter (17)
Chapter 2: Distracted From Meaning
“there is never a time when new distractions will not come up; we sow them, and so several will grow from one seed” (19)
when distraction becomes a lifestyle, we lose control over the lives we are living — We lose intentionality (23)
your most important work will never be the easiest — in fact, it will probably be one of the hardest things you ever do; being an intentional parent, loving spouse, faithful employee, inspirational artist, good boss or selfless member of the community etc (24)
the problem is not that we don’t have a passion for meaning; the problem is that our focus is so often distracted from it (28)
“the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you discover the reason why” — add a third “the day you throw off the distractions that keep you from it” (28)
jump while you can; Joshua on a trip with family on a catamaran boat tour in Costa Rica and tour guide let people jump off the top at 20ft into the water. Wife asked if he was going to jump; replied ‘I’m going to jump… while I still can’ — this is that kind of time for you when it comes to changing your focus and living more intentionally for things that matter — maybe it’s time for you to jump while you still can (28)
Part 2: Distractions of a Paralyzed Will
Chapter 3: Dreams Overshadowed: Overcoming the Distraction of Fear
“20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did” — Sarah Brown (33)
so many people would rather be disappointed and unfulfilled doing things that are safe than go through the anxiety of chasing valuable dreams and goals — sadly they prefer a safe, meaningless status quo over taking a risk that might lead to failure or might lead to success (34)
there is good fear as it keeps us from doing things you would regret but there is the bad fear — so many people never even take the first step toward what they consider meaningful in life because they think it will be too difficult to accomplish (34)
most common type of bad fear is atychiphobia or the fear of failure (34)
5 signs the fear of failure is keeping you from your best life; 1. You procrastinate or routinely avoid responsibility 2. You don’t take charge of your own future 3. You set low expectations of yourself 4. You doubt yourself 5. Your fear results in physical ailments (35)
sometimes fear holds us back not from starting but from trying again — lifelong skill (37)
the top 3 fears that prevent people from trying to achieve a goal a second time include; fear of failure, fear of being too old, and fear of lack of support from family and friends (38)
what separates those without regret from those with regret is how they respond to failure (38)
you have a purpose and a good that you are designed to bring into this world (39)
before we can keep going, we’ve got to overcome the fear that would cause us to give up (39)
fear of failures affects us at 3 points: when we’re starting, when we’re trying again after a failure, and when we’re progressing (40)
people with fear of failure may focus their efforts more on preventing losses than on achieving gains (41)
85-90% of things that people worry about never happen — even when worries do come true, the outcome is often better than we’d expected; so the potential reward is usually worth the risk especially when it comes to accomplishing things that matter (43)
it’s not the physical death people fear — humanity’s greatest fear is actually to die without one’s life having mattered — extinction with insignificance (44)
visualize what it would be like to get to the end of your life without ever fulfilling your potential — now that’s scary! (45)
fear this: wasting your life (45)
when your fear of not achieving your purpose is greater than your fear of trying, you’ll begin to overcome the distraction of fear (45)
greatest fear in life? Not doing anything meaningful with your life — a long life is no guarantee (45)
a vow to live everyday as if it’s the one and only chance to make a mark because it is! — to live life in purpose, to stop wasting time on things that don’t matter, to step out the comfort zone, to live with passion and courage of my convictions, to let go of the what ifs, to never ever give up even when things get tough — at the end of the day life is far too precious of a gift to squander it (46)
overcoming fear isn’t about making unwise decisions — there’s a difference between being held back because you’re truly not ready or the timing isn’t right and being held back by fear — a desire for security can be motivated by fear (49)
we need your biggest contributions to the world that you can possibly give, You need your biggest contribution that you can possibly give (50)
not every fear is wrong; but every fear does result in a opposing desire — we can never eliminate fear, but we can prioritize fears so that our fear of not living up to our fullest potential outweighs whatever fears keep us from taking action and making a difference — that’s courage: action taken not in the absence of fear but in the face of fear (50)
Chapter 4: Wounded: Overcoming the Distraction of Past Mistakes
past mistakes can be powerful enough that prevents us from having the vision to do things that matter in the first place (54)
if you we wait to be healthy, perfect, and prepared in every way, we’ll never accomplish anything. Everything valuable that has ever been done was done by someone with flaws and wounds (57)
almost 2 out of every 3 people say that their past, in one way or another, is holding them back from the future they’d like to have (58)
we need you to show up in your life, regardless of the hurts of your past — the potential inside you can be bottled up no longer (59)
move past the past (59)
let’s run toward our problems. Let’s face them. And let’s do something about them (60)
if you’ve done harm to others… acknowledge to yourself what you did and the harm it caused others (61)
tell yourself; my mistake was wrong and harmful, but it’s over. It’s in the past now. I’ve moved beyond it, and it won’t stop me from living a better life in the future (61)
if harm has been done to you… acknowledge the harm and what it did to you, if people are responsible for this harm, forgive them this is not to excuse or minimize their behaviour— it is to release them from the ill will you’ve been holding against them in your heart (61)
have the courage to listen to our pain because sometimes it can teach where we need to work on ourselves (65)
if you’ve been thinking that your past mistakes disqualify you from pursuing things that are meaningful or important to you, flip your thinking as those very circumstances qualify you to own a particular goal or good work (67)
our purpose in pursuing things that matter — it’s to get to the end of life with more satisfaction over how we spent our time on earth and fewer regrets about the choices we made (67)
sometimes your thinking might sound like this: I can’t believe how much time and energy I’ve wasted because of my past. I feel ashamed of it. How do I overcome this guilt? (67)
you overcome guilt and shame by finding pride in the person you’re becoming and the changes you’re making today — be joyful about what your life is going to look like (68)
you can’t change the past, but you can move beyond it in hope of a better future (68)
Part 3: Distractions of The Lesser Good
Chapter 5: The Me Monster: Overcoming the Distraction of Happiness
the pursuit of self and the pursuit of lasting happiness are not the same — at the end of your life would you be more prouder of having spent years working and saving for a second home or in doing what you can to help the poor or suffering in your community and doing creative work that you were uniquely suited for? (72)
the best and most direct pathway to lasting happiness and fulfillment is to look not only at your own interests but also the interests of others (72)
happiness can’t be pursued, it must ensue — only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself (73)
let not pursue happiness, let’s pursue purpose and allow happiness to come to us (73)
research showed that the more wealth you had the less generous and more isolated — generosity and relational connectedness are strongly associated with happiness (74)
difference between self-care vs self-centreredness — instead of serving ourselves, we serve others (76)
advice to shrink your ‘me’ monster is to just get out there and serve somebody (77)
the most meaningful lives, are often not the extraordinary ones, they are the ordinary ones lived with dignity (79)
selfless living results in greater overall life satisfaction (80)
which generally gives you greater joy: fulfilling your own desires or helping other people? (80)
encouraging emotional recovery in others helps us improve our own emotional health (82)
those who have more than they need would share more with those who don’t have enough (84)
when we shift our focus off ourselves, we live lives of greater meaning and greater contribution — when we serve others without concern over what we might receive in return, we experience the beauty of selfless love (84)
when we direct our resources of time and money towards others, we begin to discover pursuits more valuable than material possessions, fame, beauty, sex (85)
Chapter 6: Enough is Enough; Overcoming the Distraction of Money
don’t need to be wealthy to have your life defined by it (86)
the people we want to emulate are kind, loving, thoughtful, and selfless — they are quick to share their time, money, talents, and spirit (87)
we don’t feel stressed about money because we don’t have enough; we feel stressed about money because we simply want more of it (88)
how are we going to live generous lives focused in things that matter if our daily decisions are so focused on acquiring more money because we think it will make us happier? We can’t (90)
busy on own terms, in a place of his choosing. His ambition is undiminished — but it’s not consuming him. Focused on what matters not all the trappings of success that merely get in the way of a meaningful life (91)
we need to consider if we’ve made money an end in itself, rather than a means to provide or do what we consider important (92)
one reason is that the desire for money can never be satisfied — it is a hopeless love that always desires more; when the love of money is present, fulfillment is not, because we are constantly held hostage by the pursuit of material wealth (92)
are we wasting too much of our one life — desiring money and always striving to get more of it? Because when we do, we will inevitably be distracted from things that matter in the long run — when enough is enough? (93)
we think we need more money than we actually do (94)
world bank in 2017 said; 9.2% of the worlds population lived on less than $1.90 a day; 24.1% of the world lived in less than $3.20 a day; 43.6% on less than $5.50 a day (94)
money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of it’s filling a vacuum, it makes one (95)
perhaps the greatest danger of wealth is that nobody appreciates when they achieve it; they continually want more (95)
money only exists if two or more people believe it exists — it’s just paper and metal coins or numbers stored in a computer; it has value only because we believe it does or because the government says so (96)
most people don’t have an earning problem, they have a spending problem — we don’t really need more money, we just want it (97)
if we spent less time trying to get more money, we would have more time and energy and margin for other things (98)
when we save, we set aside money for potential future needs; but this saving for potential, personal needs in the future comes at an expense of meeting somebody in real need today (98)
are we so concerned with our comfort and security that we can’t recognize the opportunity to do something greater with our lives? — isn’t this another way that wanting more money gets in the way of things that matter? (99)
you’ll be prouder of the money you gave to others than the money you kept for yourself — start giving a little more (100)
sometimes generosity benefits the giver as much as the receiver (101)
maybe it’s more important to be generous right now and trust that our future needs will be met when the time comes — as a bonus of our generosity, we'll find that giving generously offers rewards of joy (103)
it moves us to become better people and inspires others to do the same — but when we live our lives constantly pursuing riches, generosity will always elude us — cannot both be generous and chase wealth (107)
the more we remove ourselves from the empty pursuit of money, the more we are drawn to others-centred living; and the more we are drawn to helping others, the greater lives of lasting significance we end up living (107)
Chapter 7: Litter On The Road to Purpose: Overcoming the Distraction of Possessions
we’re so steeped in materialism, and take it so much for granted, that we may have trouble even seeing the problem — even worst we live in a society that champions the pursuit and accumulation of material possessions (109)
number one benefit of minimalism is that it frees up your money, time, and energy to pursue your greatest passions (110)
if you’re not minimizing your possessions, you’re minimizing your money, time, and potential (110)
if they’re not tools to help you accomplish your goals in life, maybe the time is already here for you to start getting rid of a lot of them (110)
we pursue possessions and property in a often subconscious desire to outlive ourselves — nobody is going to stand up at your funeral and say ‘he had a really expensive couch’ or ‘she owned a lot of nice shoes’ (111)
our legacies include the examples we live, the moral compass we set, the characters we develop, and the names we build for ourselves and our families (112)
3 ways our possessions distract us from things that matter; 1. Tying up or money: want to devote your money to the causes you care about 2. Using up our time: when you buy something it takes time and attention — average 2hrs a day taking care of his/her house, all the clutter used to be money and time 3. Redirecting our focus: spending a Sunday morning looking through Best Buy ads to see what is new and on sale, buy things for a house that was already full of stuff not being used — would you not rather spend that time playing tennis with the kids/friends, work on your passions, have good times with neighbours and the community — minimalism is an investment in clarity (114)
whichever way our possessions are distracting us — by stealing our money, taking up our time, or obscuring our focus — the answer is the same: get rid of everything we don’t need and then get on with our lives at a higher level of productivity (119)
so much learning to pursue our big goals in life is about expanding our vision (121)
there is an unmistakable freedom that accompanies contentment; a freedom to be who you are, enjoy who you are, and live the life you were destined to live (121)
once you get rid of excess possessions you’ll know how little you need to live happily and productively and then the desire for buying and owning will naturally fade (122)
first own less, then want less (122)
a decluttering expert famously offered a question for deciding whether to keep a personal possession; does it spark joy?
— but that depends on how it makes us feel and of course it sparked some emotions when we first bought it — so let’s ask; does it promote purpose? (123)owning less is not about owning nothing. It’s about owning the right things — and the right number of them (124)
you might even need to buy different or better things as your purpose change; difference between tidying up your home and freeing up your life (124)
want to live each day focused on the things that are important to you. Why would you ever go back managing stuff that doesn’t matter? (127)
owning fewer possessions frees up money, time, energy, and focus for the things that matter most and they are quick to discover contentment and remove the pursuit of possessions from their lives (127)
Chapter 8: Trending: Overcoming the Distraction of Applause
if you’re hoping to find your self-worth and fulfillment in other people’s opinion of you, you’ll never find it (130)
applause never fully satisfy our hearts and souls — you can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy (130)
our goal is to live the one life we’ve been given to its greatest potential — whether anybody praises is for it or not (130)
one of the reasons people don’t get around to pursuing the things and people that matter is that they’re spending too much time trying to impress (131)
the goal is to make applause serve your purpose, not undermine them (131)
fame and fortune: fame comes first in that phrase, it’s cause we want fame for solely the sake of being famous — the desire to be seen/valued (132)
you don’t need praise or attention to have value (133)
when we live for the applause of others — we begin to make sacrifices, not healthy ones, we sacrifice our purpose, our values, or our focus (133)
could your desire for fame have influenced your choice of life goals in the first place? — let yourself be smaller and others bigger (134)
8 things to become famous for; 1. Kindness 2. Perseverance 3. Faithfulness 4. Empathy 5. Joy 6. Encouraging 7. Peacemaking 8. Loving (137)
life isn’t a game of musical chairs where you have to be the first to sit down to enjoy the prize; there are enough chairs for everyone — when I see someone have success I’m happy for them (139)
don’t worry so much about the extent of your own reputation. Build up the reputations of other worthy people (140)
a leader is best when people barely know that he/she exists — we did this, team effort (141)
we overcome desire for personal accolades by learning to encourage and cheer on others — if they take the accolades that we wish we had received, that’s okay — we can still have satisfaction of knowing we had a role in promoting worthy people and their causes (141)
the more focused on and committed to your goals you become, the less an excessive hunger for others applause should trouble you — when you’re doing what you know you’re supposed to be doing, it starves the wolf of envy within you (143)
accept deserved praise graciously; redirect praise to others generously; and never lose sight of your mission, no matter how much or how little limelight is shining on you — people are attracted to others who are living their mission (144)
focusing on living your mission may never make you famous (which is about you) but it can make you influential (which is about others) — aim for the purpose and not the praise (144)
Chapter 9: Beaches Get Boring; Overcoming the Distractions of Leisure
you can up your work life in such a way that you don’t need or want to escape from it — instead be drawn towards it because you love it (145)
anything that contributes good to others is work — regardless if we’re getting paid for it (146)
if leisure is your objective it will probably displace your higher priorities — great boost to longer term productivity of meaningful goals but leisure measles a terrible goal in itself (146)
in our society leisure becomes a distraction primarily in two ways; we tend to see work as a necessary evil and try to get away with doing as little as possible; we assume we should stop working at a certain age, and usually we hope that age is as early in life as we and our retirement saving can make (147)
work today is widely seen as an exercise in making money or as something to avoid and shortcut if possible (148)
ask yourself which is more of an attractive goal: to retire early and live a life of leisure or to work a long time at a job you find fulfilling and productive? 52% = first response, 34% = 2nd response, 14% = unsure (149)
if we see work as the thing we do to make money so we can buy the house or take the vacation — work in this way has become entirely selfish; work is what I do so I can get the money to do the things I want to do, with that mindset no wonder we focus so much on the leisure, the weekend, holidays, vacation, retirement (150)
you could say we’re obsessed with our time off — we cloak we’re working for the weekend, thank god it’s Friday etc — those who learn to love and make the most of everyday are less likely to look back and realize they’ve wished and wasted their lives away; yet we just go on valuing our time off more than our time on (150)
the goal of work isn’t more rest. The goal of rest is better work (151)
get distance from your work, not as an escape, but so that you can get some perspective on it — R&R&R rest and relaxation and an enthusiastic return to work (152)
generations in the past everyone kept working as long as they were physically able to — a German chancellor offered a pension to any non working German obey the age of 70 which was lower to 65 a few years later then most nations followed and become the gold standard for retirement (152)
it takes away the joy of our job — how will we learn to enjoy work if our goal is to get out of it as soon as possible? We work so we can stop working rather than working because it is meaningful to us (153)
the very word retire means to go away, to leave the centre of action — who wants that especially when you have so much good to give (154)
can retool rather than retire; go from full time to part time, less physically demanding, more advising or a mentorship role, change field or type of work (154)
the key to a happy retirement is to have something that you are retiring to, not just something that you are retiring from — the difference between happy and unhappy retirees is having a purpose — if you do retire, retire with a purpose (155)
the world needs your talents and abilities, we need you to work hard and do it well; your work contributes to the good of society and moves us forward — your contribution makes us better as people, it enriches us (158)
work is not something to be avoid, it’s meaningful and rewarding so please don’t view work as something only to be endured or escaped — your work is a way of showing love to others, love your work because your work is love (158)
you do what you do well, whether you are paid or not, so that someone else can go do what they do well, everyone benefits (159)
see my work as just another job that pays the bills — no see work as an opportunity to connect with people, help other people be their best selves (161)
we remove distractions so we can live our best lives of contribution to others (162)
your most meaningful and fulfilled life will include hard work — we are designed to work not for the sake of money, possessions, or fame but because it is in our potential through accomplishing good for those around us (162)
just like everyone else, I enjoy a day off. I love waking up slowly and cooking a leisurely breakfast for my family. I enjoy reading a book, playing pick up basketball at local parks, or watching a movie with my kids. And I appreciate vacations whether that be a ski trip or seeing extended family across the world — those days I look forward to but nothing beats the feeling of laying my head in the pillow at the end of the day of meaningful work and knowing you gave everything I had to that day (163)
when I get to the end of my life, I will want to know that I tried my best and gave my all — so will you (163)
the way to overcome the distraction of leisure is to rethink it and find selfless fulfillment in work (163)
Chapter 10: Blinking Lights; Overcoming the Distraction of Technology
the tech has the goal to guan control of our attention and resources — it pulls our attention from the work right in front of us, keeps us from realizing the life we truly desire to live (167)
things that matter usually take time, energy, and concentration — is devoting our time binge watching movies on tv or beating the next ten levels of candy crush really worth it (169)
the overuse of technology steals your time; one of the most common excuses for not pursuing one’s goals in life is ‘I don’t have time’ — but technology is taking it so if we cut back on screen time then you are opening up more time for meaningful pursuits (170)
the overuse of technology makes you feel bad about yourself; most people posts highlights of their life so no need to believe that and you can create a meaningful and more purposeful life (170)
the overuse of technology makes you weaker; a large amount of screen time can restructure your brain, grey matter shrinkage, problems with white matters ability to communicate, a lot more cravings, and general poorer cognitive performance, higher risk of depression — if you reduce screen time then you reduce all those things and able to be at your best (171)
the overuse of technology makes you less effective aim your work; even if you use technology for work sometimes a distraction such as an email can divert your attention by 23 mins to get back to what you were doing (171)
why are we spending so much time on our devices? Because some of the smartest people in the world are working hard to make sure we do (175)
it’s a behavioural addiction and they are damaging because they crowd out other essential pursuits, from work and play to basic hygiene and social interactions (176)
rebel against the tyranny of tech — the only way to truly discover technology’s controlling influence on our lives is to turn it off, and walk away, and sense how strong the pull is to turn it back on (178)
are you contributing something useful to the world, or are you consuming things others have contributed? (181)
at the end of our lives, we want to be able to look back on our choices with pride and that includes the choices we made to use technology positively (183)
do more things that make you forget about checking your phone (185)
you’re not just rebelling against the tyranny of technology in your life — you’re fighting for the people and causes that mean the most to you (187)
powering down your devices is a way to power up your purpose (189)
Part 4: Ending of The Book, Beginning of a More Meaningful Life
Chapter 11: Live The Story You Want Told; And Expect Surprises
not everybody is willing to or at least ready right now — to go to the effort of figuring out how to align their lifestyle with their intentions; but you’re doing it, for a moment, bask in a glow of satisfaction over how far you’ve come (193)
clearing away the distractions is not the ultimate point in all this — the ultimate point is to live a life of meaning and purpose (194)
the things we encounter in life have a mysterious and wonderful way of redirecting us to places where we can make a difference if we are alert and responsive as new summits begin to emerge — the choices we make might not make sense to others who are viewing our lives from the outside; but we know it’s the right thing to do (198)
you don’t have to live like everyone else. In fact, you’ll probably be happier if you don’t (199)
through conformity to culture, we lose our uniqueness — we lose our passion and we lose our energy — we lose our opportunity to choose a different future (200)
we can become a model to others of living an international life that has meaning (200)
be countercultural, be contrarian, be nonconformist — you don’t have to shove your distinctiveness in other peoples faces but you don’t need to hide it, embrace it (200)
pursuing things that matter will make us more interesting and distinctive — leave every place you enter a little bit better than how you found it (201)
one way all of us pursuers of purpose can judge whether our actions really matter is to ask if they’re being beneficial to others: are relationships healthier? Are the poor better off, or the sick healthier or the uneducated better informed? Is our physical world in better shape? Is there more beauty to enjoy? Is there more wisdom to follow? Is there more kindness for people’s fragile hearts? — there should be something tangible or identifiable to show for what you’re doing; you’ll be able to look back and honestly say you’ve done something to make the world a better place than it was when you came into it; your life mattered; there will be no regret in that (202)
when you get to the end of your life, you won’t just want to have few regrets about what you did with your life. You will also want to have few regrets about how you did those things (204)
a life of purpose is not only more productive but also usually more peaceful, because we know we’re doing what we should be doing and we can relax (205)
take advantage of this new purpose in your life to maximize your relationships, celebrate the special moments, and really feel the sadness and joy and other emotions your experiences call forth (205)
don’t pursue the things that matter to you all alone in some dark cave if your own creating — bring them out into the light of day, where you and others alike can receive encouragement for the future (206)
finish with this: This is the beginning of my new commitments to pursue things that matter. Today, I will remove distractions so that I can… (207)
the intersection: your passions, your abilities, and others needs (211)
My passions; the things that get you excited, the activities that make you lose track of time, the topics you can’t stop thinking about, the issues or people that touch your heart (211)
My abilities; your natural or acquired talents and competencies — things you’ve always been good at, such as inspiring others, showing empathy, specific skills or they could be skills you’ve learned and developed later in life, could also be knowledge. Gifts to you that you can give to others. (211)
Others Needs; drawn to help others on an individual level or more on a global level, it will depend on circumstances — separate goals from purpose; ex. Hiking the Grand Canyon may be a goal but using your love for hiking to connect with a wayward son or mentor a fatherless boy may be your purpose (212)